Learning to like myself again
Before I had my son, I spent a lot of time on myself. I went to gym, bought myself clothes, did my hair all the time and focussed on my own happiness.
Something happens when you have a baby that is both beautiful and terrifying at the same time - for the first time in your life you are no longer the most important thing in your life. You very quickly lose yourself and what you stand for.
In some ways this is pretty amazing because it changes you at your very core - you become softer, more selfless, a better version of yourself because now you are a mom and that is the most important thing you have ever done.
But the negative side of this is that at some point when your baby isn’t so little anymore and doesn’t need you quite so much, you wake up one day and look in the mirror and don’t recognise yourself.
This is what happened to me - I started to resent everyone around me and blame them for my unhappiness when I realised that it was actually all about me. I had been putting my son’s and my partners needs ahead of my own for a year and it was catching up to me big time. I had lost my joy outside of being a mom. My day revolved around everyone else.
This is what a day looked like for me: Wake up, get Adam up and dressed, give him bfast, try do some dishes and tidy a bit, throw on some clothes and head out. Lunch time walk the dogs and clean the house then back to work. Afternoons are all for Adam and after he went to bed I would cook dinner for us and do the dishes and then pass out.
It is a work in progress but the first thing I stopped doing was putting everyone else’s needs before my own - instead of cleaning the dishes and cooking after putting Adam to bed I do a pilates video and take a shower. In the mornings instead of letting my partner have all the time in the world while I do everything for Adam I asked him to give him bfast so I can do my hair and put on make-up.
Each day I am trying to schedule something in that is just for me. It is hard because we naturally have this mom guilt that hangs over us and this bizarre need to put everyone else first after we have kids, so we have to retrain ourselves to care about ME again.
This blog is part of that process and I am feeling really good about it:)