Learning to let go and trust
Believe me....this is not an easy thing for me to.
You see, I am what you would call a do-er (AKA OCD pain in the ass). I like to plan EVERYTHING and CONTROL everything.
When I embarked on this journey of changing my life from the inside out last year, I still wanted to control everything and make it all happen straight away. Even with meditating and reading spiritual books - I expected immediate results. I even got pissed off with my vision board one day and ripped it off the wall - 3 weeks after making it - because none of it was happening yet.
Because the hardest lesson that I was yet to learn is that things take frikken time and PATIENCE. And once I realised that - I felt like a weight had lifted slightly. I still struggle with this I wont lie - it is a work in progress.
Every day when I get up I have to make the intention to trust in the universe and stop trying to control everything.
Things are a bit of a mess - Sam is jobless (going on 6 months now), we are struggling to keep afloat, I am dealing with inner demons - all this in our first 6 months of marriage. If we can get through this we can get through anything.
My dreams also change all the time which must confuse the hell outta the universe, but I have narrowed them down and broadened them to:
1. Sam getting a job that he loves, that allows him the freedom to be home in time to bath Adam and spend time with us
2. Buying our first house - this is my ultimate dream
3. Getting myself out of debt and fixing my problems with money
4. Establishing exactly what my relationship with alcohol is and sticking to those boundaries
5. Finding something that I can do that I will love doing every day in a job
6. Having another baby, only once all the above is in place
7. Being an awesome mom to my adam
So as you can see, these are big things. And I was doing manifesting meditations and expecting them to happen in a few weeks.
Some content out there will tell you things can happen that quickly with manifesting - I don't believe that anymore. I think things take time and patience and that you have to believe in it.
Onwards and upwards...we keep going....trying...striving...every day.
This is the only journey we get. I have to try enjoy it and not rush to the end.